Why God, Why?

"June 7th 2015 
He was diagnosed with Acute lymphocytic Leukaemia in simple terms 'Blood cancer'. Doctor said it was a rare case of Cancer for my his age group. I was totally unaware about it then he called,
He: Oye, what doing baby?
Me: Was waiting for your call baby.
He: See i told you know. I will die soon
Me: WTF are you talking? Don't you have sense?
He :Trust me baby. i have blood cancer. Wait i'll send you my report.
Beep beep he hung up .
For a moment I thought he was joking . This was his habit to scare me but later that morning my life changed . He texted his report to me . And I shattered like a glass holding my phone . Can you describe the feeling of knowing that love of your life is dying and you can literally do nothing? Sorry I can't . I try crying it didn't help. I did screamed . Blame god for everything that is happening. I lie on my bed . The picture of his report went through my head. The mascara on my eyes were all washed up. My eyes drowned out by tears that run down . The salty taste entered my mouth as I lay there helpless. We were never fine . We had fights , we had ups and downs and I broke up with him twice but only he knew me inside out , only he made me smile. The couple of months were so hard for me that even if I try to recall them I would break up from inside . I followed him through his each and one 
Chemotherapy. Hold his hand when the nurse inject him with the needle. Watched him smile and cried. Even he knew he was dying but he was never afraid of it . He wanted more. Many times I lost it. Even one time I tried ending my own life before his . Later I realised that would only make him suffer more . He had suffered many already. During his time here , he did many good deeds . Made many faces smile . He was loved , Cherised and blessed by many . At day I would kiss him . Encouraged him and smile with him. At night I used to cry the loneliest tears there ever is and at morning I used to cover my dark circles with layers of makeup and go on. Two months later he passed away. I watched with broken heart that you went away leaving me alone. I watched the man of my life turned into nothing but ashes. All those dreams, promises rose up with him in the air and only I was left.I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone-you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. I remember our everything . The first day we met . The first time you grab my hand. The first time you bought me rose.The first time you grew your beard . The first time you cook for me or the first time you paint my nails. The first time you said you love me and the last word you wrote for me . If you have a boyfriend and he dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always his , even when the other half of the equation is gone?
I love you . This love is for forever. And no matter how hard I try to love again. I could not . This heart was yours and you took it with yourself.

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