I am No More Virgin

I was in a relationship with a guy for about 3 years. We were happy at the beginning. But soon he started abusing me for the silliest of things. Verbal abuse to physical abuse. Soon learned that he could be having the hereditary bipolar disorder. So I decided to stick with him with the hope that he will change one day. But no, I was wrong.Things went really out of hand once I got a job. One day when we went out, he hit me right on my stomach while I was having my periods. That was it, I decided to end everything. But I couldn't because he begged me not to leave me. But the truth is that in between all these abuses I loved him. Next time we went out he hit me in front of my friends. That was my limit. I ended everything. He tried to convince me a lot. But I didn't go back. I was so depressed at these times. Just to forget him I got committed to a colleague of mine.I knew perfectly that I didn't love him at all and that I still loved my now ex. Yes, I still love him. I don't know what to do. I don't love him and I don't want to hurt him because he already has a terrible past. I want my ex-boyfriend back. he is my life. he is a part of my soul. I am filled with regret.because I had physical relation with him.Please don't call me a slut or whore.Please,I just don't know what to do.

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