I Married My Rapist

Female - Bangalore

I was in college at that time, and I was struggling to cope with my studies and I had to take care of my ill father. I wasn't concerned about anything else. My goal was just to finish college with a degree.
He, too, attended the same college. We didn't talk that much, but I did get some signals that he liked me and wanted to date me. But he never once confessed it. I was in my third year, when my father passed away. And practically, I had to live alone since my mother ran away with another guy while I was still a kid. I have no one to rely on, no relative to take care of me. I had no choice but to stay in hostel.
One day, it was raining and he offered me a ride back to hostel. I was reading in the library and I had no idea about the time nor the weather. I had to say yes to him since it was dark and I didn't bring my umbrella. That's when he raped me- in his car. I was disturbed by that incident that I tried to cut my wrist, but all my attempt ended up in failure. I was into deep depression, and all I thought was how to survive.
Then he started to manipulate me and forcing me to marry him. He would usually ask, 'who's going to take care of you since you have no family now?' or 'how are going to survive in this world with no one by your side?' or 'do you know how the people going to look at you if they knew you were raped? they wouldn't stand by you; they probably think you're cooking up a story to extort some money from me.' and 'no one would believe what you say'.
Eventually I did marry him thinking there is no way I can live out in this world. But, I thank god, I didn't bear any kids with him. Thinking about an innocent soul being born without love scared the hell out of me for all those years.
It took me 4 years to realize that I can stand own my own two feet. I got an education, I can get jobs if I apply for one. I wont starve. I wouldn't die. I divorced him, and now I'm working as IT analyst. I'm only 27, and I still haven't given up hope in love. I'm still waiting for the one.The man whom I’m married to for 4 years, I did report him to the police.
But he got off easily using his money and influence.However, that didn’t break me.I believe the hardest punishment anyone could give to him is no other than him.There will be a time, he truly regrets about his actions. His own conscience will punish him.He took everything from me, he played with my emotions, he blackmailed me. He done all the horrible things I don't even think words can express.There was not even one minute I was happy when I am married to him.I constantly tremble, screamed, and had nightmares almost every night, and severe depression hit me. I was suicidal.
For all the woman out there who had similar fate as mine, don’t give up. Let go of your past. The world has much more to offer. This is definitely not the end. We are much stronger than we think we are. I’ll be rooting for all of you.For future parents to be, please educate your son to respect woman. Teach him how to treat a woman. We are not a piece of meat.
Respect is the greatest form of love. I don’t even think he loves me, for me to be treated like a toy. I am my father's precious child too. I don't think anyone deserved to be treated like me.
PS: Sorry for my anonymity. I am comfortable with my self and hopeful of my future, but it's gonna take a while for me to embrace my past.

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